Phrases I Will Never Use in a Story

1. It doesn't matter if you believe in God/Devil, he believes in you: Besides being overused, Keanu's brilliant and iconic role as Constantine - equally as memorable as Daniel Day Lewis' Daniel Plainview - made this phrase unusable by any mere mortals.  Note the sarcasm.  Though, I shouldn't be so flippant; it was an entertaining movie for an hour and a half of my life.

2. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here: Okay, very cool when Dante wrote these words in The Inferno.  They have a different ring in Italian, however.  Not so much when every bad horror movie (a type of movie I much enjoy) uses it.

3. My dear reader: This Victorian era word device is strange to me.  I know what all of you Buzzards are saying: "But, wait; you had a posting praising Drood, By Dan Simmons, which breaks that invisible wall and speaks to the reader in this exact way."  (Click here to read the aforementioned post.)  Very true, Buzzards.  I do not think this is necessarily a cliched phrase like the first two.  I just don't care for it.  Furthermore, Dan Simmons can do anything he damn well pleases.  If I were to stalk an author (I swear, Dan, that figure in your tree, be not me), it would be Master Simmons.

4. The Lord(s) of...in a title: Again, another cliched choice of words.  Like the others, there is a reason this has been used so incessantly...it has an intriguing ring to it.  Despite this phrasing being on my "do not use" list, I am drawn to films and books that use it.  Such a contradiction, my dear Buzzards, I know.  Still, I will not use it.  Besides classics, such as Lord of the Rings and Lord of the Flies, a brief perusal through Amazon also reveals: Lord of Illusions, Lords of Finance, Lord of Scoundrels, Lords of Strategy, Lords of Flatbush (the adolescent me will refrain from juvenile humor here), Lords of Shadows, etc., etc.

That's it; I'm Spent, Dear Reader!